Dear James, (Part VII)
[Part I , Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI]
Meet me at the bottom of the ocean
Where the time is frozen
Where all the universe is open
Love isn’t random, we are chosen
And we could wear the same crown
Keep slowing your heart down
We are the gods now— Infinity, Jaymes Young
As I’m getting ready to dive into this part of the story, the nausea is settling in. I haven’t heard from James since the end of August. I have no idea if he’s still reading these. In a way it doesn’t matter because this is my journey. But I can’t help but wonder how the story (through my eyes) is being received, or if it is even being received at all? I guess that would be the better question.
The previous parts were easier to write because the two of us had already gone over the details of these past events many times. With this section, it’s still so raw, and I’m left alone to work it out. But alas, it must be done. The only way forward is through.
When I think back to February and quickly fast forward between then and now, I find myself experiencing a range of extreme emotions. Happiness, guilt, sadness, confusion. I can easily move from a fit of rage to a sense of gratitude. Then there are the moments that I am left in awe at how profound this all has been.
I’m grateful that we found each other. It’s not for nothing. This isn’t a fleeting romance. It’s not that kind of love. We are here for a reason. I’m going to figure it out.
If I knew then what I know now, would I do it again? That’s always the famous question, isn’t it?
I would. A million times over.
Once you go that high, you’ve got to come back down. And coming down hurts, we know this, but it’s inevitable.
So then, let’s start … at the tippy top.
When the random dog episode sparked our most recent reunion via Twitter, James was in the process of working on sharing his cancel story publicly. When his story was first published late 2021, James was contacted by another online magazine with an offer. They wanted him to…
